To the South of Sydney

ok peeps, I have been asked to shut down my blog if i am not gonna update.

"don't put the link on your personal msg if you don't wanna update it" wai hou said.

"fucker, go update your blog" xxx said.

"is your blog still alive?" yyy said.

*******blushed***********

So being the busiest man in the world, I didn't make an exception to stay at home during my Easter which ended yesterday. :(. I went down south to Melbourne for 5D4N and it was of course a blast.

Booked the ticket one month before departure when it's on sale so 150 dollars was definitely a good deal. I was due to depart on Saturday with Chea hao but again I went out till late on friday night and got sick on that day itself. Shame on me. So yeh speaking of Chea hao, for those of you who haven't happened to know yet, he is in Australia on an exchange program.

Arrived at Melbourne at around 7, we were just in time for dinner. Zhang li was my host for the entire trip and sea win was chea hao's. Met up at the city to go to Lygon street for Italian food.

Risotto anyone? The portion was just too big sea win and I couldn't have finished it anyhow.
Nice ambiance. Bring your lover there next time on special occasion. highly recommended.
This is rump steak if i am not mistaken. It's too cooked I would personally recommend medium rare.
Sea win and I. :). Sorry I didn't turn on the flash. She hasn't changed a bit, still took forever to decide on something.
Derek and zhang li and zhangli's friends, well I think I could call them my friends as well but you know, I am not always perasan. :$


The famous Yarra River. That's me promoting world aids day in Melbourne.
One of the many cathedral. but this one looks just magnificent.

This is the central station. There is an interesting history behind this but I couldn't quite remember so i am not gonna detail it here. :) next time maybe :P

I love being on trips. It's relaxing and I can just do whatever I wanna without having to worry about the annoying routines. but of course I have to go easy on the money, but come on can we for once not talk about money?????????????? lol. Life has been quite hard lately and a trip is exactly what i needed the most.

Toddler

Ok I know the blog deserves a little more attention from me.

Holiday is coming to an end after almost 4 months off uni and anything associated with it. Well not just yet but real soon. Two more weeks and I will be back to Sydney in a long dreadful flight via Darwin. Blame MAS for not starting the promotion 3 days earlier!!!! yes 3 days, and it's gonna grant me a 4 hours ordeal in the pathetically small Darwin Airport.

So what's been the highlight of this long break? Let's recount.

I went on so many trips with my friends and family, ok maybe not quite so with my family but wth, I still had lotsa fun. First to singapore, and then straight to Fraser's Hill and KKB, then Cameron Highlands and last but not least Laos which i will detail in the next few posts, perhaps. lol.

Let's not forget about my nephew. He has, to be honest, taken up most of the time i spent at home (ok, I am no longer the nomad this time, I have actually been quite home-bound). He has grown up fast, from a baby before I left for SYdney last year to a toddler who speaks after whatever words we say. Despite him being annoying sometimes (with all the cryings and screamings and playing-with-my-laptop), I actually enjoy his company.


I am starting to feel old having watched him growing into a toddler. His innocent laughters reminds me of my long-gone childhood and his mischievous behaviors tells me how different kids nowadays are. They are no longer the gullible bunch but rather the you-better-not-mess-with-me bunch. The world has already taken a big leap but I still remain. Maybe it's time to catch up.



I owned a pair of levi's jeans at the age of 17 but this kid here is wearing it with so much pride and dignity as if to show it off to me. :(. Well what to do I can't possibly take it off and put it on myself.

We shouldn't compare the current to the past. Just like how I always tell my mum not to compare my current comfy life with her used-to-be inadequate one. Move forward, there is no use looking back it won't do any good. For the old the old theory is no longer applicable in today's society.

Tagged by hadee.
1. Take a recent picture of yourself or take a picture of yourself right now
2. Don't change your clothes, don't fix your hair...just take a picture
3. Post that picture with no editing
4.Post these instruction with your picture
5. Tag 5 people to do this


Here it is, the wakeup look. well except for the messy hair, everything still looks fine. lol.
I think this kinda tagging is meant more for girls especially those who wear makeup.

I tagged qin ai de, kai, xinyee, yaozhong and christopher.

high school~

Time for a little flashbacks here! Blogging has always been my best excuse to not study during exam periods. lol.

I wanna go on a trip!!!!!!!!! and i wanna become a dolphin trainer!!!! ok that's random I know. My mum will possibly kill me if I were to utter those words to her.

Awwww, how happy everyone was. If I am not mistaken, defa took this picture didn't he? well despite being the shortest among the BOYS(or was I not?), I wasn't anymore after a high jump. proud*** Spot me!!!

ahahah, yering your weight sank my feet into the sand for a bit. And the hair!!! omg, would you wanna put on that hairstyle again? lol. Mun ee looked so small on waihou's.

Wonder what those girls had done to me. lol. It was form 4 form 5? My shitty memory couldn't locate me somebody please tell me. I think it's form 5 with that longer-than-bald hair.hahaha. By the way, qin ai de you are getting prettier and prettier. haha. and kai you are getting more feminine:) Mei ping I haven't seen you for ages!!! Can't wait to see you in December! So I will save the compliments till I see you. :)

arghhhh, can i turn back time?

Chilly

The weather is back in the chilly state. It reminds me of Ice Cream. Eating something cold in the cold weather makes the chilly feelings more significant.



The combination ice cream platter from Passion Flower, a dessert paradise which we are led to believe serve the best ice cream in Sydney. Everyone has a sweet tooth, at least among the people around me, but I don't seem to have one. I don't crave for ice cream, neither do I crave for chocolate. People said sweet stuff stimulate the secretion of endorphine, but it just doesn't seem to work on my body. Maybe, I need something different, something pseudo that I have never been able to figure out.


Miss the laughters. The happy moments are captured, in a way that we believe laughters mean happiness. Yes, as simple as it sounds, laughter really reflects one's actual state of happiness. But I wonder how often do we just smile for the sake of smiling when laughter no longer carries any meaning in this case.


How true is that when people seek satisfaction from spending money?

"I am sad, I need to go shopping and spend as much as possible only to heal my sunken heart." Many of my friends once told me but I never really saw it materialised.

I want to feel desired. Desired to an extent that I can no longer feel my own desires.

****
current mood: fighting for drilling. Penetration rate has really gotten under my skin. lol.
****

关心*心关

之所以关心
换来了一句无心可关
哪能关心

改变
已不是我可操控的
我不甘 也不愿
但是不甘不愿之际
我失去了选择的权利

我没变
由始至终都没变

Random thoughts

Everyone is getting the sun, exposed under the first degree of sunlight. It's not a good idea for me to do so, yeh i basically have to hide like a ninja at the moment. Not that I am afraid of getting tanned, but to free my fragile skin from multiple degree of sunburn, it's ideal not to stay under the sun for too long a time.



Final is coming in two weeks' time. My mood should have been tuned to the exam mood, but you know how hard it is to do so. I am slowing the pace, trying to look around only to notice that I have been long ignoring the surrounding.

For months, I lived in my own world. I forgot how to socialise, I forgot how I used to love being in the crowd, I even forgot how to actually communicate. All the words I said so often don't make any sense, and all my jokes just couldn't make their ways out.



Most importantly, I've completely lost the initiative to write, run out of ideas and not been able to string up sentences. What a drought.

Was on skype with Mic and Xianhui the other day. I miss the old times when we sat down and talked to each other face to face till midnight after glasses and glasses of teh ais or teh o ice limau.

I have been thinking of you. All the memories over the past 5 years dashed out of brain and made their ways to the heart. The side effects are gradually acting on me. Only to realise you filled up most parts of my life really. My life has been a big mess ever since.

You got rid of the old diary and are working on a new one. It's obviously doing you good. Stay tough and be happy. Whether or not it's important, just so you know, I am always here.

Spring

Spring is here.

When spring comes, I start counting down till the day I get home. Not too long to go. I am stuck in a dilemma- should I or should I not spend a month here in Sydney to work before heading home? Instead of wasting time and spending money at home, I have gotten a chance to actually earn money and spend it myself. Well, just a thought.

The sun is out. I can't say I love the sun, but I like the warmth that the sun radiates. After having trapped in the cold which is said to be the coldest in ausstralia after around 80 years, nothing else one could ever wish for but a little warmer.

A picture taken in Blue Mountains. It's pretty isn't it?

Here is the thing. When you get the sun, you wish for the rain. When you get the rain, you wish for the snow and vice versa. When will people be contented with their own life? with what they have already had? Never! The world is turning so as our lifes are moving.

Oh yeh, I am tight on my budget again. Over spent for the past few months. Is it a good idea to get a lump sum of money for a year once for all? I am bad in managing my spending, and just like what my mum said, I can never go on budget. I am not a big spender like what you would call a big spender, but I am definitely not as thrifty. Maybe I should be given less money so that I can try to survive on a budget life.

Anyway, I wanna go travel!!! lol.......Leeds anyone??? mic is there!!! and it's kinda a dead city. Bring me there, and I will bring you sunshine!

Opsss

haha, sorry peeps i haven't been missing in action. For the whole two months!!!!

Mana pergi????? hmm cool down cool down, I have been here all the time, just that I didn't have time to update my blog *blink blink* and of course lack of motivation. haha.

First of all, let's have a recap.

Had my winter break from the end of June till the end of July. You know me, i wouldn't have stayed at home and there i went, to Adelaide. Nothing exciting took place, small place with short buildings but tall people. hell man, my height was soooooo overly challenged there. mind the word "Was" now that I am back in Sydney it's definitely a past tense. The reason could be due to lack of Asians in Adelaide. It's still an Asian concentrated town but nothing compared to Sydney.


One word to describe Adelaide. greenish! Notice the blue and yellow tube-like thingy? That's tram, similar to the one in Sydney and Melbourne, except that it's cheaper.

The buses. Same old thing, it's much cheaper than in Sydney. Much much cheaper! sigh.

lol. It's only opened on Sunday????? hmmm, I wonder how long it can last before closing down.

This is plain random. Took it during my visit to the German Village. But it looked wrong in a way nevertheless.

Kranski!!!! omg, it tastes sooooo nice. trust me, the only german food you cant afford to miss is definitely the german sausage, or more commonly known as the kranski.

hmm, not much to see. just the mountain view.

Ok, that's it for the adelaide trip. I didn't take a lot of pictures simply because there was nothing much to capture.

Next, I was back in uni a month ago, marked off the start of my second semester of my second year. oh man, that's fast!!!! Good thing is i am going home in 3 month's time. The bad thing is it's a gruelsome 3 months' time before i can pack my luggage and come home. Timetable sucks!!! 5 days in uni, long hours, and boring lectures!!!!! Petrophysics is no fun, well drilling is quite alright but boring too, engineering maths is no fun either, and last but not least, Japanese 1B is something that keeps me going. phew!~~~but it's getting harder nevertheless.

oh yeh there is one more thing worth mentioning. I am becoming a member of the cheapskates family (cheap jeng in cantonese). The other members of course include Sherene who usually provides us with the coupons, Jason (my roommate who went grocery shopping and grabbed all the on sale items) and someone else yet to join.

Case 1:
Went to the korean restaurant with sherene, jason and two of Sherene's friends. All of us are known as the extreme cheapskates. As you all know, the side dishes in a korean restaurant are refillable. It doesn't matter how many times you wanna refill as long as you haven't foot the bill. So as the cheapskates member, we definitely made full use of our privilege, to refill bottomlessly. lol. I think the waiter and waitress were teasing us, inwardly of course.

Case 2:
Was going out for dinner with Sherene. While deciding what's on for dinner, she held out her ajisen ramen 25% discount card and it's understood that we were going to ajisen ramen. The food were alright and most importantly, the card will only expire next year. Guess we are going there again, for sure.

Case 3:
Went to the fish market, not the first time but definitely the first time we brought along rice from home. yeap, a tupperware fully filled with rice and our self-brought wasabi sauce. It's quite embarassing to take out a box of rice from your bag but wth, nobody was going to care as the rice there is sold at 2 dollars a plate. 2 dollars you know!!!!! not rm2!!! rm2 is still expensive tho.
2 dollars can buy a original glazed from krispy kreme!!!

Case 4:
Went to market to refill our vege and fruits. The auntie sold me the spinach at 2.5 dollars for two. oh wow that's definitely a good deal and I took it without even observing the spinach. As it turned out, half of each was rotten and so, there was nothing much left for consumption. well, what can i say, cheap goods are never good! and i don't like the auntie now! will go to another auntie who taught me how to cook the king mushroom. she is good. lol.

Well, there are a lot more likewise cases which I am not gonna update today. Gonna have my breakfast now and prepare for my maths test on monday.

last but not least, a picture of me so that you don't forget what i am like. :).



ok peace out~~~~~

华文篇

久违了华文。

去了家港式餐厅，点了个烧鸡饭，惊觉原来是份卤汁烧鸡饭。黑没有不好，只是个人觉得白比较有感觉。本是白，尽是白。干脆把头发也给他染了个白色，你说。那就不致于此，头发还是黑的好。兜了一大圈，才发现小白我喜欢的还是黑的。

力大哥说打工能减少罪恶感。我自觉打工能掩护自己的惰性，读书方面的慵懒呗。从来不觉得有打工的需要，才发现原来打工并没有不好。结识广，挣点钱舒缓舒缓一下自己的高消费，也让老妈觉得孩子我长大了，买颗钻石戒子讨一讨她欢心。看呗，打工并没有什么不好。搞不好弄出个职场恋情杀你个措手不及。想得太美了。echo 说头脑简单向前冲，会有更多的意外收获。我也有同感，老兄们，别想太多了，想干啥就去干，成功了再对别人说 "我牛不牛？"。

有个女孩朋友对我说，男人不喜欢能够一手掌握的女人，男人会有自卑感。棒极了，试问若是这样，有哪个男人不自卑。哈哈。所以说嘛，男人女人都一样，输了尺寸，就输了尊严。我却说，科技发达，谁理你是大是小，重要的还是内在呗。你说我老套。好我不跟你拗。科技能把你从小变大，大了再大，伸缩自如。可是却永远不能把你变成个有内在的人。

昨天去了拉面馆，点了个 やきそば，咸死了，可是还是爱吃。人怎么这么犯奸啊，吃多了会死还是爱吃。朋友说我越来越成熟了，我说是老了吧。说我越来越没有东南亚风味，我说是时候该回家了。说我为什么都长不高，我说我讨厌长高。说我为什么都吃不肥，我说肥了鸡鸡会变小。哈。

你就不能顺着我一次嘛，非得处处顶着我。哈哈。

晚餐吃越式猪肉粉。好啦是时候出门了，我又成了迟到大王。真是本性难移。

p/s: the pictures were taken at bondi beach. Too bad it's a gloomy and windy day we couldn't do much but to pose around like dummies. anyway, it's me, Sherene, Jason, Yen ling, and an unknown lady whom i still didn't ask for her name after lunch. haha.

aiya, Wollongong take 2~~~

I am so lazy to update my blog sorry peeps. only if i am more hardworking. only if i have got more free time (fyi, i am having my winter break and i am basically doing nothing). Only if i can tell myself the 100th times to get a job. And only if i can buy a ticket and fly back to Malaysia to meet you guys right up!!!! sadness of life.

So here is the story. Sherene, Jason (my roommate), Sin yee (my cousin) and I (of course la!) and not to forget 30 other people which apparantly i am not going to list down their names one by one were on a trip down to Wollongong. Mind the word "down", that means it's on the south of Sydney, but on the north of Canberra. Anyway that's not the point, the point is, we went there! (it doesn't sound much like a point either. sigh)

First stop. hmm wait i couldn't recall the name of the place. It doesn't matter. just remember it's a cliff overlooking the blue pacific ocean, and oh yeh it's 20 minutes before reaching Wollongong. And that's my shadow. Looking nice huh? of course, just the shadow. :(

oh yeah, wondered why i circled the two mountains on upper side of the picture? yeh, because i had been there before last year, for my Geology excursion. yeap you got it right, the whole point of organizing that trip last time was to give us a chance to understand the evolution of that mountains? or stuff like that i couldn't recall anything now. sadness. ok the point is, we had to draw that two mountains and you know how skillful i am in drawing. tsk tsk.

Creative Zen 2GB for sale anyone? a little intro about it:
-Born in Malaysia
-Has been to Genting, Tangkak, KL, Singapore, Kota Kinabalu, Sandakan, Tawau, Sydney, Canberra, Central Coast, and Wollongong
-Died last year but then after a series of resuscitations by its owner, it revived and has since lived healthily.
-loyal
-Has not been stained and has great skin under its owner's tender care
-and last but not least, it has been sleeping with its owner, nude? hmm that's not a point but it could be. lol.

oh wow, i wish that was me! but apparantly it's not me, because i was taking his picture on land. sigh!! by the way i was thinking of poking a little hole on it before another people rode on it. evil me.

After that we went to the beer brewing house in Wollongong. Ironically, we went there for fish and chips and beer of course, but were not shown the process of brewing the beer! We could just go to a bar for that couldn't we if it's not for the brewing process?

yeh, this is Bulli Black. it's just the name people, basically it's Guiness Stout (spelling?). and all i could think of about guiness Stout is that my mum used to use that to shower me, and she is still using it to shower my nephew. What's it for? hmm, not sure according to her to smooth out the skin. and to make the skin fairer? haha.

haha this was my favourite. and my cousin's. oh yeh and Sherene's. ok it's everyone's favourite. because it's not bitter at all. and with that flavour of the peach, you could just go on and on until you get all inebriated! Mind me, Sin Yee gushed down four glasses of them and slept on the bus during our next destination. lol. and Sherene almost hooked up a guy. ok la, i am just kidding. lol.


oh wow, beer, palm tree, beach and ocean. what else could you ask for? oh yeh, bikini and board pants??? haha. don't drool peeps. There wasn't anyone wearing bikini or Speedo, and worse still, there wasn't anyone on the beach!

Next stop was to watch some rock being eroded by the waves and something like that. I couldn't recall. i wondered how much i had drunk! lol. but yeh, i tried very hard to find a picture of the eroded rock but too bad i didn't take any. hahahahahhaa. what's the point huh? anyway, to jump or not to jump?

Sherene, age is kept secret for the moment, height: measure yourself, weight: never ask a girl for her weight, status: single but not available. till here you will ask me to shut up. okok!!! chill.

Jason, 20 years old, height: 170cm (round up already), weight: heavier than me (who cares about yours!!), status: single!!! hurray. anyway, if you are interested, call me.

i love this picture. It just oozed the total freedom one can get. and the peace one's mind could ever attain.

Sherene and Jason. Where was Shane then???? be patient. coming up!!

yeap, i was thinking of singing "Negaraku" all of a sudden hence the pose. by the way, how long haven't you guys been singing negaraku for????

The phantom. not of the opera though. i need a tan i guess!

i just don't know which one is better.

i think they are both equally nice. any idea??

We then went to the "nan tian shi", the biggest temple in southern hemisphere. It really is quite spacious, but i think tian hou gong is bigger. don't know, i didn't measure it.

It really is a nice place. The idea of staying there for a few months crossed my mind when i was walking around the temple. Don't worry, just staying there to help out as a volunteer not to be a monk yet.

a view from the outside.

and yeh, this is my cousin Sin Yee. Coming to Sydney to further her studies. yep UNSW, photonic engineering. don't ask me what photonic is because i have no idea at all to be honest.

So yeh, another travel post. It's just a day trip so i didn't quite absorb much things. Let alone any inspiration. but yeh nevertheless the dinner was great! i ate four bowls of rice!!! hahahaha. i think i am growing again. hopefully it's vertically not horizontally!~~~

Expectation

Ever wonder why expectations are so hard to get rid of? Ever wonder why us human beings always expect something in return and why would we have to be burdened by tonnes and tonnes of expectations from someone else?

When we put in effort cramming all the knowledge into our brain, we expect to get good results. When we work extra harder at work we expect a raise of the salary. When we give in our love, we expect it to be reciprocated. Not to forget, when our parents forking out money for our education, regardless of the amount, they expect us to get good results and become a better person.

When we are stressing out and musing that study life is so stressful and hard, that we wanna just go out and work and just "screw" it up, our parents at the same time are thinking about the same thing, just in a different point of view.

After all these years of hard work, and after all these years of living thriftily, they have finally saved up enough amount of money for their children, for their well-beings, for their education, and some even for their future. They sacrificed their youth, their chances of having a luxurious life, in short their entire life not for anything, but their kids.

Come to think of it, sometimes i would ask my mum
"is it really worth it that you invest so much money on me so that i can study in australia? it's almost half a million or might be more and with that amount of money, you can do whatever you want. Now in order to afford my tuition fee and my effing expensive living expenses, you have to think twice for every penny spent." With that being said, i really don't mind just getting my degree done in Malaysia.

"It's not important whether it's worth it or not.The reason why we are doing this is because of the responsibility, the responsibility of giving birth to you, and to raise you up and to make sure you are able to sustain your life in the future." My mum said that to me and to be honest my tears welled up in no time.

My parents have never been putting any pressure on me regarding my studies and my results. and i don't think they ever expect me to be a genius or someone with excellent results, they never compared me to my friends that they don't care how much better my friends scored than me. But do they really not expect me to be somone great, to be a son that they can actually be proud of? They don't say it out at least. But that doesn't mean they don't expect something from me. The bottom line is as long as i am just being myself and not pushing myself too hard, they will be happy about it.

My maternal grandma expects my uncles and aunties to take care of them, but at the same time, she is still taking care of my uncle instead who is still not able to take care of her totally. My paternal grandma on the other hand is happy and satisfied of being taken care by her children after so much effort of raising them up. Every parents expect their children to take care of them. They spend their whole life raising them up, take care of them, spend eveyr penny of them hoping that their kids will eventually take care of them.

Whereas my mum once said to me
"i don't really expect you guys to take care of me. That's why i am saving up for myself for future use. I am not being cynical or trying to sound pessimistic, but yeh, we do all that for you due to responsibility. To or not to take care of me in the future has nothing to do with how much i have done to you, but it depends on how much you want to take care of me and it shouldn't be a burden at all. It's not your responsibily to take care of me bcause you will have your children to deal with."

Again, my mum has never failed to amaze me with her thinkings. It's true, but that's a kind of expectation as well. My parents don't expect me to take care of them thinking that they have done so much to me, but they EXPECT me to be wanting to take care of them out of my love towards them. and that's exactly how i want it to be. There is nothing more previous than doing things whole-heartedly.

"I want to do everything for my parents because they have done so much for me, spend so much money on me and of course they expect me to take care of them" that's what basically everyone thinks, but let me tell you, it's definitely a wrong thought to begin with in the first place. Because as time goes by, you will realise that i can just pay however much money they have paid back to them. or maybe you will just not care when you have your own family. Or when your responsiblities are getting bigger at times, you will start to get sick of them for being a burden to you.

It's almost impossible to not have expectations. But keep it minimal, and keep it simple. You don't want to ruin something by expecting too much. And most importantly, expect something in a right way, with the right mind and right timing, you will get what you want. However, don't expect someone to love you if you don't confide in in the first place.

p/s: The pictures were taken on the way back from blue mountains. like mother like daughter, you can always expect the same pose form them. it's my cousin and my aunt.

Lily and Lou Sai

We were on a day trip to Wollongong when Sherene and I decided to do some random thing out of the blue. It's really random trust me.

Background Info:
All of a sudden, i recalled Mun Ee's( one of my high school mates) interesting "bei gu"( they call the lady from northern China in Hong Kong) accent back in chong hwa. Then i just blurted it when Sherene got all excited and showed me the "proper" accent. I was all stunned and thought i was watching the Hong Kong drama series. lol.

Theme:
Lily (the lady) was talking to lou sai (the boss) and trying to persuade him to buy her a Gucci Bag that was on a 20% sale.

Starring:
Sherene- the lady
Shane- the boss

Setting:
Wollongong- on the lawn on a cliff overlooking the blue pacific ocean.

Director:
Jason

It's interesting how people tend to assimilate their own accent with a foreign language. It's supposed to be one same language but sometimes you are just not sure whether or not it's the language that you are familiar with.

Here is the scenario. In Australia, the common language is English (of course, but you will be amazed by how Mandarin and Cantonese have gradually taken over), but sometimes when you overhear the people next door talking, you wouldn't be 100% sure that they are speaking English even though they really are.

That's what actually allows people of different nationalities stand out from one another. Not to forget to seek familiarity in a foreign country. I like it when people can just recognize you through your accent. It's the accent that bind the people together.

p/s: It's really funny to see how Sherene instinctively speaks mandarin and english with a Malaysian accent. Sometimes she wouldn't even notice that her mandarin is almost if not totally replaced by the malaysian mandarin.

"啊，没得救了!"

"walao, 美到!"

"七点三个字"

wahahahhahaa, i am starting to think that i am such a vice, a bad influence. lalalla.

Trust you with my smile

What would do you when you really trust a person? You will be happy and give your earnest smile from the bottom of your heart. The same concept is applied when you dont trust a person but you know it's too late not to, you will be depressed and blame yourself for giving yourself away too early.

I was chatting with Jen the other day where we delved into the discussion of trust. yeh, trust is always the basis of a relationship, or a friendship, but every so often, people take it for granted and exploit it that we see it as something thats not trustful at all. How ironic! Trust is not trustful at all.

"i think i have given in to this guy completely!" Jen brought it up and i was all ears.

"hmm, how long have you been knowing him?" i asked.

"around 1.5 months now!" she said, sounded apprehensive but i could sense her insecurity.

"i know how it feels, you are trying to hold back but the feeling is too overwhelming and as time goes by you realised that you have already poured all in but it's too late now!" i said.

"perhaps it's not as bad as you thought, maybe he is really the one for you? time doesn't mean a thing really, it's the chemistry, not the duration" i then added, trying to boost her confidence.

"yeah i know, i know i trust him a lot, and i know he is a good guy, probably will be the one for me. but sometimes, to think that he has had so many past relationships, i couldn't help to but compare myself to them only to realise that i am nothing compared to them. you know that kind of feeling? you always look at yourself with disdain in front of the person you like, or i should say you love" she told me, and again i could sense her feeling of insecurity and a slight depression.

I was speechless with the monologue storming inside " is it just Jen? or everyone has a tendency to do that? is it really that hard to give in your trust to someone? is it really that insecured to fall for someone?" I was asking myself and obviously neither I nor Jen could give ourselves an answer.

Time will tell, that's what everyone says.

how much does trust worth? would you prefer a guy telling you he trust you whole-heartedly or you would rather get a diamond ring from him with him telling you that you better not cheat on him? It's like he is trying to "bribe" you, materialistically. or you would rather think this way "trust worths nothing, but diamond ring worths a lot. "

Diamond ring will stay after the breakup but trust never does.

Whether or not you decide to trust someone is always up to you, despite the very subjective judgement you can only get from yourself. Noone will tell you what to do or whether or not you should trust that somebody, because you know that somebody better than everyone else.

So why doubt so much while you can just trust somebody with a smile (not a flirty smile!!!). If you notice that you have mistrusted him/her, bring along your wrecked heart, together with the shattered trust, and move on to someone else. It's always a trial-and-error kinda stuff, no pain no gain. What's more you dont want to regret to yourself if he/she just happens to be the one for you.

So before we parted, i said to Jen,

"just trust him and love him as much as you could. he sounds to me a total nice guy."

:)

p/s: the picture was taken at circular quay when i saw this little boy toddling around with his dad. He smiled to the camera when he saw me trying to capture his picture. omg, he is so photogenic and trust me, you definitely want to bring him home with you if you see him. :)

Always happen in winter

Winter is officially hitting down under here in Sydney. It has been raining for the past few weeks and the temperature is descending everyday. It's cold, and all you need is something to keep you warm, be it living or non-living things. Sometimes loneliness overkills you, especially during winter. Even people showered with endless love will be struck by the slightest feeling of loneliness. Blame the weather, and blame ourselves for being so emotional and can't move on with life without being attached to somebody, family, friends or your lovers.


I see myself changing, changing from a pair of board shorts to a pair of jeans, from singlet to hoodies, and from a 19-years-old guy into a 20-years-old man. No visible changes have taken place externally, but a vast one internally nevertheless. They say the aging process usually works its way out from within. I do believe that. With the increasing figure of your age, your responsibilities and apprehension will directly increase, marching from the a lower level to a much higher one. It's the increasing responbilities of life that actually cause the wrinkles to surface, not the dry complexion of your face. With this, i don't think the anti-wrinkle cream will do the trick.


When you get older, you have to start comparing the price of the milk in Coles and Woollies, so that you will get the cheaper one and at the same time reducing your daily expenditure. However you are worried that on the flip side of the coin, cheaper price means lower quality and that might do more harm to your health, or provide less nutritions than the other one if anything. That's why i stop buying milk. lmao. However, i have already seen myself crossing the boundary of adulthood and stepping into it. Chicken breast is more expensive than drumstick and chicken wings, so i would talk myself into buying them despite more work have to be done when it comes to slicing or cutting it. It always happen, you start to save money because you know that sooner or later, your parents are going to leave you alone, you have to earn money and go on a budget life in order to survive. It's a balance between your capibility and the quality of life.

When you are older, you tend to differentiate between the ideal lover and the realistic lover.
"i want a guy/girl who is cute, rich, knowledgeable and bla bla bla...." you name it.
However when you get older, you know that kind of person never exist. It's always a combination of a few features, but never all of them. So you learn how to compromise, and put those things into a list starting from the feature you prefer the most to the one you think is least important. You learn how to compromise, you learn how to view life in a more realistic way. You will, however, allow yourself to wander off into the fairytale world once a while to regain your confidence towards life, and how wonderful it could be. Not that you have a bad life, it's just that a wonderful life has no boundaries, you can never get enough of it.

So what's on top of your list then? and how much does each weigh?
Personality or
Social status or
look or
Wisdom

Despite reservoir engineering, business communication, thermodynamic, Japanese, and so on and so forth, i am learning how to deal with life, and looking forward to what life has installed for me. IQ or EQ? Obviously i am an EQ person. I like the way how life is shaped up, but not how much Science has evolved. They are always related to one another, but for me, i can always see the difference between them. :)

Blog is so dead

yeh i know i am such a pain in the arse. My blog is so dead, i haven't been updating anything. life is busy people, don't blame me. Imagine i stayed back in the library till 8pm for a few consecutive days. Imagine imagine the lazy VS stayed back in the library (to check out people is it?) TO DO MY DESIGN PROJECT BUT NOT TO CHECK OUT PEOPLE!!!


Anyway, yesterday was my last day in uni for the first semester of my second year. Having my study vacation now, exam is coming in a week's time. Running out of time huh? yeah i think so but i am still not motivated to study just yet. Still slacking and planning to go out for a stroll to the malls, yeh yeh it's the winter giant sales!!!! However budget is kinda tight lately, thanks to those unknown reasons (don't ever try to guess, but i can assure you it has nothing to do with the trading of sex, lol).


What's on first? hmmm business communication. oh hell, i have just realised that i know bascially nothing about this course except for the presentations i did. arghhhhhh!! need all the notes now anyone can help me out? yeh according to Tim, i am always the end of the notes chain (yeap, usually i am the last one to receive any notes or maybe not at all, lol). but hey people, i have changed, i am more studious this year, i put in effort to print my notes out weeks before the exams.


Reservoir engineering is coming a day after that. hmm, lots of revision to go through, freaking 8 chapters (phew, 8 chapters only and you are complaning the shit out?), 8 BIG chapters people!!! And despite my will to pay attention to Rachie, there has always been something to fail me in my mission, sigh!!! Be it the people sitting next to me ( i am not talking about you Tim, don't give yourself away. lol. or Wani and Leena talking about their outfits, and touching each other (sound so wrong) or adjusting their clothes close to their boobs. hey girls, that could be very disturbing you know. hahaha. oh well not like i am going to give a damn. But obviously, Tim was trying hard to resist it. poor him.


Speaking of the reservoir engineering presentation, what's wrong with my tongue and the word " substituting", i just couldn't get it right. haha, nah just to mention my inability to pronounce that word and embarassed myself a bit.


oh what's next? oh yeh Japanese study. The final exam is such a F1 race with time. 110 questions in 2 hours. oh my god, i have to memorise all the hiragana, katakana and kanji hardcore from now on. yeh yeh, it's time to practise it!!! in other words, more shin chan!!! hahahhaa. me and my shin chan i know!! tsk tsk tsk.

My mum is coming on the 20th. Yeh, i will have one exam left during the week she is here. but meh, i will definitely have time for her. It's winter now guess she will be sneezing her heart out during the stay here. haha. and yeh she is gonna bring a KG of ikan bilis!! yeh people i miss ikan bilis ok!!!!!!!! and i miss mi hun kueh that i am going to cook it every single day! budak sial!! haha. oh yeh, speaking of malay, i think i have got some improvement on it. thanks to those bruneian friends. Xhui, Wiven, Chea hao, Yaozhong, dont worry i won't order AIR KEPALA anymore! yeh laugh!!! laugh as hard as you want, i don't care!!!!!!!

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My blog is dead, but my mind is not dead. i have lots of ideas to write, but due to my pure laziness, i have got no motivation to blog at all.

Today's topic, bitch.

Everyone is bitchy in general. Whether or not it's dominant depends on how well you present your bitchiness. It's not that you want to be a bitch, it's the people around you that unleash your bitchiness. People nowadays are overly taking things for granted and hence making each other's life difficult. the "an eye for an eye" concept is too overwhelming, and widely used in our society nowadays.

"you want to be a bitch, i will be a bitch and a half!" that's usually the case. That's why human's relationship is like a never ending war between two bitches.

"oh please for christ's sake, can we please stop fighting?" A said.

"you started it first" B said, sounded all bitchy.

"if it's not because of you, i wouldn't have started it in the first place! " A said again.

"oh yeh? So thoughtful of you to start it off for me! thanks! " B said, couldn't be any more bitchier.

"oh fine!....................." A said.

So the conversation goes on with two people being bitchy to each other. If B just said sorry, there willl be less two bitches in the world.

Case 2, in the shopping mall.

"do you think you can give me a discount on this?" A asked, seemed not going to accept any rejection at all.

"sorry i can't. i am just a staff." B said.

"hmm say if you give me a 20% discount, i will buy it right away!" A said again, not giving up.

"sorry madam, i just can't. Maybe you can choose the other stuff which is on sale?" B said. trying to be nice.

"fine then, i will buy it next time" A said.

"oh okok, i will give you 10% sale at most! " B said.

"20%" A bargained again. very firmed with her determination.

"15%" B said.

"18%?" A said. (wth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if the calculator is not invented, you would have to employ an accountant in order to complete the trading)

"oh fine, 18% " A said.

such a waste of time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just dont understand. with that 10 minutes wasted on bargaining with each other, you could have talked another customer into buying it! and with that 10 minutes wasted, you could have found another shop selling it at a much cheaper price.

Just don't buy if it's too expensive! and just don't sell if you think it's too low for a price! gosh!

ok now i am a total bitch for writing all these. but every so often, you will just laugh your heart out when you bump into this kind of situation. It's interesting to see how shallow people are that they don't want to lose their dignity and hence would rather become a bitch and take over the situation.

fine! Be a bitch and you think people will think big of you? no way!

the world will be more loving if one could just suppress their bitchiness. however it wouldn't be as interesting and as exciting as it is now if there is no bitches in the world. lol.