i have had so many questions to grapple with all these days.
"is life all about relationship?"
"why are we so obsessed with the task of looking for the one for ourselves?"
"how true is the fact that most of the human beings can be blinded by love?"
All these questions have contributed to a few consecutive sleepless nights that caused me act like a drunken guy.
i have talked to a friend of mine Xin recently. She has just separated with her boyfriend. All she told me was that the relationship has lasted 2 years, it isn't long really, but try to be in her shoes and think:
"if someone that you have given in so much to cheated you when you think he is the one for you, what would you do and how would you feel?"
heartbroken? upset? not able to eat? not able to sleep? all these will mostly happen, and it will last for a few weeks, or months, depends on how much you have given in, or how emotional are you.
We always say, "relationships have its ups and downs, might as well accept it and think positvely since you can't avoid it by all means". "why sad? why the tears? is he worth it?"
These are the things that your friends will tell you when you confide to them about your broken relationships. That's just wrong!!!! Even a five-year-old kid who knows nothing about relationship can tell you those things.
so you will ask me, "then what are we supposed to say?"
To be honest, i have no idea at all. i don't know what to say, i don't know what's the exact way to comfort a people like this. "Try to fit yourself in, try to tell her something that you wish to hear from anybody else when you are the one breaking up" i told myself which led to the words i told her afterwards.
"Just cry, cry until you think you can get over it. But try to find someone you can trust, and cry in front of her or him, don't ever cry alone, that'll make thing worse. actually everyone of us would like our tears to be seen, not publicly apparantly, but at least be seen by someone you love or you treasure. If you think you can't leave him, just go back to him, talk to him. i will not ask you not to give him another chance because i know you won't be able to do it. Give him a chance to explain, and listen to him, then you will be able to judge whether you are going to accept him back or ask him to leave you alone."
i don't know if i was telling her the right thing, but once the words are said, you can never take it back. Well, she is doing fine, has been left heartbroken and is still heartbroken, but i think that won't be long until you have found someone nice again.
so the process of recycle is applied in our life so frequesntly that we hardly realise it. you are left heartbroken, then you continue with the task of looking for the one again until it's done, then you have your happy times, and then are left hearbroken again. even when you are married, you will get divorce and get married again. that's life, try to look back, you are actually repeating the same steps that you have been through, still anticipating what's the next girl or guy will like. you can't say humans are stupid, because we are confined in the big square of relationships which donimate most part of your life~
life is all about looking for the one. nobody wants to live alone, without partner in this case, no matter how heartbroken you are left in the previous relationship.
Looking for the one-->relationship--->happily ever/ heartbroken--->looking for the one-->..............
the same process is repeated until the last breath is exhaled.
"is life all about relationship?"
"why are we so obsessed with the task of looking for the one for ourselves?"
"how true is the fact that most of the human beings can be blinded by love?"
All these questions have contributed to a few consecutive sleepless nights that caused me act like a drunken guy.
i have talked to a friend of mine Xin recently. She has just separated with her boyfriend. All she told me was that the relationship has lasted 2 years, it isn't long really, but try to be in her shoes and think:
"if someone that you have given in so much to cheated you when you think he is the one for you, what would you do and how would you feel?"
heartbroken? upset? not able to eat? not able to sleep? all these will mostly happen, and it will last for a few weeks, or months, depends on how much you have given in, or how emotional are you.
We always say, "relationships have its ups and downs, might as well accept it and think positvely since you can't avoid it by all means". "why sad? why the tears? is he worth it?"
These are the things that your friends will tell you when you confide to them about your broken relationships. That's just wrong!!!! Even a five-year-old kid who knows nothing about relationship can tell you those things.
so you will ask me, "then what are we supposed to say?"
To be honest, i have no idea at all. i don't know what to say, i don't know what's the exact way to comfort a people like this. "Try to fit yourself in, try to tell her something that you wish to hear from anybody else when you are the one breaking up" i told myself which led to the words i told her afterwards.
"Just cry, cry until you think you can get over it. But try to find someone you can trust, and cry in front of her or him, don't ever cry alone, that'll make thing worse. actually everyone of us would like our tears to be seen, not publicly apparantly, but at least be seen by someone you love or you treasure. If you think you can't leave him, just go back to him, talk to him. i will not ask you not to give him another chance because i know you won't be able to do it. Give him a chance to explain, and listen to him, then you will be able to judge whether you are going to accept him back or ask him to leave you alone."
i don't know if i was telling her the right thing, but once the words are said, you can never take it back. Well, she is doing fine, has been left heartbroken and is still heartbroken, but i think that won't be long until you have found someone nice again.
so the process of recycle is applied in our life so frequesntly that we hardly realise it. you are left heartbroken, then you continue with the task of looking for the one again until it's done, then you have your happy times, and then are left hearbroken again. even when you are married, you will get divorce and get married again. that's life, try to look back, you are actually repeating the same steps that you have been through, still anticipating what's the next girl or guy will like. you can't say humans are stupid, because we are confined in the big square of relationships which donimate most part of your life~
life is all about looking for the one. nobody wants to live alone, without partner in this case, no matter how heartbroken you are left in the previous relationship.
Looking for the one-->relationship--->happily ever/ heartbroken--->looking for the one-->..............
the same process is repeated until the last breath is exhaled.
4 comments:
Of course life if NOT all about relationship....
Life is all but a series of continuous journey whereby the traveller will try to find out all sorts of so called "meaning in life" and going through various experiences. And hopefully the traveller will find peace, contentment and acceptance in his heart...
Kg Boy
though the world is quite an ugly place in certain aspects, i'd still like to believe there are happily-ever-afters =P
wat i think is...
u should just be there to listen n to hug n to make them laugh. Usually talking about the guy n trying to give advice on the matter would make things worst. I think they don wan to hear solutions but want to be loved thts all.
haha but wat do i noe. hahaha :D
Just a quick-n-dirty tip. Try to let that person know that you are listening. I mean real listening. listen to the feelings and the content. It doesn't matter how heartbroken he/she is, but if you can just listen attentively and reflect on what you have listened, "you look really sad", "I can see how disappointed you feel". Listen, and give some tissue papers ... A feeling that someone is there for him/her might have said everything that ought to be said.
I feel the same when I look at these cycles of relationships. When you look carefully, you can see that our lives is like an endless cycle. We are born to this world, grow up, age, die. At the other part of the world, another baby is born again while another old man leaves the world...
Some people call this as impermanence. Everything is changing. The only thing that does not change is CHANGE itself. Our mind is constantly changing as well, needless to say, when two persons come together. So, like chemistry, human beings, with unsettled mind, like atoms in unstable states, combine and disperse, combine and disperse, when the conditions are changed. Endlessly.
=) It is neither pessimistic nor optimistic. With change, good things may go away. But, without change, bad things will always remain. So..there you go!
=) I like your reflective thinking. Nice!
Post a Comment