Chilly

The weather is back in the chilly state. It reminds me of Ice Cream. Eating something cold in the cold weather makes the chilly feelings more significant.



The combination ice cream platter from Passion Flower, a dessert paradise which we are led to believe serve the best ice cream in Sydney. Everyone has a sweet tooth, at least among the people around me, but I don't seem to have one. I don't crave for ice cream, neither do I crave for chocolate. People said sweet stuff stimulate the secretion of endorphine, but it just doesn't seem to work on my body. Maybe, I need something different, something pseudo that I have never been able to figure out.


Miss the laughters. The happy moments are captured, in a way that we believe laughters mean happiness. Yes, as simple as it sounds, laughter really reflects one's actual state of happiness. But I wonder how often do we just smile for the sake of smiling when laughter no longer carries any meaning in this case.


How true is that when people seek satisfaction from spending money?

"I am sad, I need to go shopping and spend as much as possible only to heal my sunken heart." Many of my friends once told me but I never really saw it materialised.

I want to feel desired. Desired to an extent that I can no longer feel my own desires.

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current mood: fighting for drilling. Penetration rate has really gotten under my skin. lol.
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关心*心关

之所以关心
换来了一句无心可关
哪能关心

改变
已不是我可操控的
我不甘 也不愿
但是不甘不愿之际
我失去了选择的权利

我没变
由始至终都没变

Random thoughts

Everyone is getting the sun, exposed under the first degree of sunlight. It's not a good idea for me to do so, yeh i basically have to hide like a ninja at the moment. Not that I am afraid of getting tanned, but to free my fragile skin from multiple degree of sunburn, it's ideal not to stay under the sun for too long a time.



Final is coming in two weeks' time. My mood should have been tuned to the exam mood, but you know how hard it is to do so. I am slowing the pace, trying to look around only to notice that I have been long ignoring the surrounding.

For months, I lived in my own world. I forgot how to socialise, I forgot how I used to love being in the crowd, I even forgot how to actually communicate. All the words I said so often don't make any sense, and all my jokes just couldn't make their ways out.



Most importantly, I've completely lost the initiative to write, run out of ideas and not been able to string up sentences. What a drought.

Was on skype with Mic and Xianhui the other day. I miss the old times when we sat down and talked to each other face to face till midnight after glasses and glasses of teh ais or teh o ice limau.

I have been thinking of you. All the memories over the past 5 years dashed out of brain and made their ways to the heart. The side effects are gradually acting on me. Only to realise you filled up most parts of my life really. My life has been a big mess ever since.

You got rid of the old diary and are working on a new one. It's obviously doing you good. Stay tough and be happy. Whether or not it's important, just so you know, I am always here.